I was at a local smoothie place when the Gen Z cashier said, “Sir, do you have our app? You can get lots of great rewards”

“No thank you,” I said.

But Smoothie App persisted. “It just takes a minute to download and with this QR code, and I can give you this smoothie FOR FREE. RIGHT NOW. ”

I am not against a free smoothie, but I also know the “free” smoothie is really about me getting text spammed from the smoothie place. Plus I was in a hurry. I declined again.

“Sir? But what about the rewards? ”

“Sorry, I’m in a rush, I’m not going to do all those steps, I’m good. ”

She ended her pitch and made my order. As I was almost out the door, I heard Smoothie App whisper to the Smoothie Powder Additive Guy behind the counter, “Sir, apps are so hard…”

He giggled and added in a raspy old man voice, “Sir, sorry our apps are so haaaaaard. ”

And you may ask yourself, “Well, how did I get here?”

Back in the car, Spotify started playing “Once in a Lifetime” by the Talking Heads. I tried to enjoy my drink, but my low boil over being mocked made what should have been a sweet treat into a bitter beverage. This was not my beautiful smoothie.

I was already on edge before getting my frozen mocked-tail. All week, I had been trying to distract myself from collateral bad news from friends and family. One friend got fired from a federal government job that really helped people. Another 50-something friend told me his dad was now bedridden following a brush with bankruptcy and a side of cancer. And an attorney colleague I see regularly had taken time off because the special-needs benefits program that her kid plugged into had just eliminated its call and support center.

We had arrived in Generational Purgatory for Gen X—my generation.

Age Against the Machine is at least one part an acknowledgement that Gen X got stuck holding the bag, again. Data supports the fact that Gen X is statistically likely to be sad / enraged / depressed / stressed from the economic, cultural, and emotional realities that are unlike the cohorts before us and after us. The Economist (hat tip for remembering our existence) reported that 31% of Gen X reported being unhappy (either “not very happy” or “not happy at all”)—the highest of any generation in a study that spanned 30 countries.

Prophecy at the multiplex

Gen X being angsty and unhappy is probably not that surprising. After all, Fight Club, Office Space, and The Matrix all came out in 1999 when Gen X was out of high school and into early adulthood.

Maybe 1999 was the peak of Gen X angst that foreshadowed the cultural moments we find ourselves in today. Therapy was still stigmatized when Tyler Durden outsourced his rage and then blew everybody up. The guys in Office Space subverted their soulless work existence and TPS reports with corporate theft and snark (and don’t forget there’s also a dead therapist in Office Space…. ). And we all know Neo took the red pill to escape his reality and shoot up the guys who look like middle management.

We latchkey kids have become latchkey adults, left to our own devices to figure things out.

Yeah but doesn’t everyone whine in their 50’s?

Dartmouth’s David Blanchflower calls the point where happiness bottoms out, somewhere between our 40’s and 50’s, the bottom of the “U-Bend of Life. ” The theory runs that our sense of wellbeing starts naturally rebounding in our late 50’s and early 60’s, and we keep the smiles rolling because we have run out of shits to give.

You know what though? I’m not buying it for Gen X. Maybe it’s Smoothie App and her perma-grin still bugging me (Sir? ), but I think our timing has sucked.

Today’s sandwich generation (panini press version)

First, consider our crappy timing in terms of the financial landscape:

  • Company earnings? Slowest inflation-adjusted income growth of any modern cohort.
  • Market performance? Stagnant during our prime early investing years (2000’s)
  • Housing? Foreclosures hit us first, hardest, and longest.

Now think about the generational timing where Gen Xers are sandwiched between Boomer parents and Millennial/Gen Z kids:

  • More than half (56%) of Gen X investors currently provide financial support to their parents or children, with more than one-fifth taking on large levels of debt to manage, according to Nationwide’s Retirement Institute.
  • New York Life’s Wealth Watch Survey reported that those caring for both parents and their own children spend an average of 50 hours a week on caregiving—22 hours for aged relatives and 28 for kids.
  • Gen X caregivers spend more money annually ($8,502) on out-of-pocket caregiving expenses than other generations, according to AARP.

We are the tech support and financial backstop for our Boomer parents while being the Federal Reserve Bank-of-Last Resort for our kids.

So we’re totally getting rewarded, right?

So when is Social Security supposed to run out of money with the latest data? 2035 you say? That’s right when I turn (checks calendar) 65! Wow, nobody saw that irony coming. Good thing the healthcare system is running smoothly right as my knees are starting to crunch up. Oh that’s not a thing? Health care debt is the thing instead? Yikes.

Good thing we have a fiscally sound, responsible federal government which definitely, positively won’t drop a giant pile of debt on our heads before we are dead. The choice was supposed to be to lower taxes OR maintain government benefits. Not lower taxes AND government benefits. Oops!

Is it any wonder we’re skeptical of “rewards? ” Should it have surprised Smoothie App and Power Additive Guy that when we’re asked to jump through a lot of hoops for some promised benefit, we’ll believe we’ll be left with nothing for the effort?

How about some appreciation then? Acknowledgement? Anyone? Bueller?

Sometimes when I step onto my soapbox, it can sound like some bullshit generational competition. It’s not. Boomers have their own problems, and Millennials and Gen Z have stepped into a world where they may be worse off than their parents.

But Gen X is caught in that panini press, and yet, where are the Gen X voices of a generation? We are living in a cacophony of outrage and still I’m not sure who has the microphone for my Xer peeps. We’re too old to be influencers yet too young to wrest the levers of power from Boomers who seem hell bent on ruling until they die in office.

We grew up being told to work hard, be independent, and don’t whine. “Figure it out for yourself” somehow evolved into taking the load for three generations while being ignored by the two that scream louder. So Gen X invariably does what it always does better than any other generation: shrug it off.

And you may ask yourself…how do I work this?

Here’s the thing: We can’t afford to shrug it off. My day job once more is advising families about wealth, health, and best decisions. It’s tough sometimes to remain clinically dispassionate while staring at these issues simultaneously in my personal life. That’s where this Substack comes in for me. It’s my opportunity to grow, journal, share, learn, teach and vent. And this format also gives me an opportunity to pivot and look at things another way that can actually be helpful. (I keep getting told that this exercise is emotionally healthy).

So here is my cheat sheet to make things work, sometimes shared with clients, always changing, with good faith but imperfect intent to follow myself.

  1. Accept that timing did screw those of us in Gen X. But not permanently. We are like a warped cassette that is making weird unfixable noises, but we still have the beat.
  2. Outsmart the U-Bend of our 40s and 50s with better perspective. In spite of the headwinds we face, remember that suffering is mostly in our imagination, or at least that’s what neuroscience says. We exaggerate mid-life threat perception.
  3. Accept that it’s a trap for us. There is no avoiding the trap. It’s about climbing out of the trap.
  4. Build systems, not heroics. We need automation, delegation, and lower emotional expectations of other generations that have their own issues.
  5. Practice asking for and receiving help. Gen X is gonna get bit if we try to do everything alone.
  6. Find community. Yes, it bears repeating. Try connecting or re-connecting with people that don’t require a performance from you for the opportunity to hang out.
  7. Keep building the Future You. Future You exists, cares about you, and is really invested in your happiness and success.

OK Gen X, time to acknowledge the A-side is a bit beat up. Loved so much of it, but some of the scratches are causing the needle to skip. Time to flip to the B-side. Happy listening.