Now before we go any further—this isn’t a male-bashing article. Some of my best bosses, mentors, and early advocates were men. In fact, many of the people who opened doors for me early in my career were male leaders who saw potential, gave me stretch assignments, and fought for my seat at the table.

This isn’t about them. It’s about us. It’s about the moments when, instead of lifting each other up, some women choose to close the door behind them. And the data backs it up.

A 2023 survey by LeanIn. org found that 1 in 3 women have felt undermined by another woman at work—whether through subtle digs, lack of support, or open competition. Another Harvard Business Review study revealed that when women work under female managers, they report less support and mentorship compared to men under male managers.

And it doesn’t help that men have built much stronger career pipelines for each other.

  • A McKinsey & Company study found that men are 30% more likely than women to have a senior leader advocate for their promotion.
  • Harvard Business Review reported that male managers are significantly more likely to promote other men over equally qualified women.
  • And according to LinkedIn’s Gender Insights Report, men are 26% more likely than women to be referred for a job—and referred candidates are more likely to be hired.

In other words: men help men. Systemically. Consistently. Quietly. It’s not always malicious—it’s often habitual. But the effect is the same: male-led networks that accelerate careers while many women are left climbing solo.

So while we celebrate the progress women have made in leadership, it’s important to ask: Are we truly supporting one another in the same way? Or are we sometimes getting in our own way?

Because while there are amazing women who lift others—like my incredible mentor at USAA (Hi, Mary Stork! ). . . or the fantastic leaders I featured in my 2025 International Women’s Day series (shout out: Rebecca Esposito, MJ Patent, Amy DeTolla, Nikki Johnson-Alfano, Brenna Saunders, MBA, CFP®, Jessica Culpepper, MBA, CPA, CFP®, and Colleen E. Maldonado, MBA, CFP®, Eileen Collins)—sadly, there are also moments that leave you wondering: Why do *some* women hurt other women?

When It Gets Personal

I’ve experienced it firsthand.

A female leader once told me she was “tired of walking on eggshells around me,” simply because I raised an important discussion about our work.

Another became upset over a photo I used of her. She didn’t see the strength and brilliance I saw in that shot. Instead, she called it “unflattering. ”

And once, a colleague sat across from me in a conference room and flat-out admitted that she and her team had been purposely avoiding working with mine—because we didn’t do exactly what they asked.

Imagine that. A leader in charge of critical work, openly choosing not to collaborate… because another team (mine) had the audacity to push back or propose a different path. I guess doing your job can even be optional these days.

Now—I get it. These are quite extreme stories. I’m sure there are some who can relate, but I don’t want to undercut the hundreds of incredible women I’ve worked with over the years—women who do advocate, collaborate, and open doors for others.

They exist. They’re powerful. And they’re changing the culture from the inside out.

The Scarcity Trap

The hard truth is that women have historically been conditioned to believe there’s only room for a few of us at the top. This creates a scarcity mindset—one where success feels like a zero-sum game. If she wins, I lose.

Add to that the impossible standards we face—be confident, but not too confident; lead, but be likable; speak up, but don’t be “too much”—and it’s no wonder some of this tension spills over into our relationships with each other.

But Why Are Women at the Top Insecure?

Riddle me that. They’ve made it!

Research across the University of California system found that women in senior leadership roles often face harsher scrutiny and higher expectations compared to their male peers, which can actually amplify self-doubt rather than erase it.

Psychologist Dr. Valerie Young calls it the “imposter phenomenon”—the sense that you’ve made it, but you’re one misstep away from being “found out. ” And for women, especially in male-dominated industries, that pressure can feel relentless.

When the system makes you believe there’s only one seat for “the token woman,” it’s no surprise that some women guard their success like a fortress instead of opening the gate.

Why I Joined Wednesday Women

I joined Wednesday Women because I needed the opposite of that scarcity mindset.

I wanted a space where women weren’t walking on eggshells or competing for scraps of recognition, but instead amplifying each other’s voices, sharing hard-won lessons, and cheering for every win as if it were their own.

That group reminded me that true leadership is generous. That power multiplies when we share it, rather than guard it. It’s a reminder I wish every woman could experience.

What We Can Do—Beyond the “Rah Rah”

Hiring and promoting women shouldn’t be about checking boxes or shouting slogans. It’s about building truly equitable systems and holding all leaders—women included—to the same standard of collaboration, excellence, and integrity.

  • Promote based on impact and influence, not just tenure or likability.
  • Give women the tools to succeed at every level, from mentorship to fair pay to clear growth paths.
  • Measure how leaders—male or female—elevate others, not just themselves.

We don’t just need more women in leadership. We need the right women—those who open doors for others instead of closing them.

The Good News? We Can Change This.

There are extraordinary women rewriting the rules of leadership. I’ve been fortunate to work alongside many of them. They lead with grace, strength, and generosity. They believe that when one woman rises, we all rise.

Women Don’t Need More Critics—We Need More Allies

Imagine what we could do if every talented woman was backed by a community of other women who wanted her to succeed. Not just quietly, but loudly and unapologetically.

We say “women supporting women” a lot on LinkedIn.

Let’s make it real.

Because when we stop undercutting each other, we all rise higher.